Sunday, November 15, 2009

Issue 77

Goldfish by Whitney

OK, so the week before last, some thing really stupid happened at my school. I was just getting out of the bathroom when one of the girls exclaimed, “There’s a goldfish in the toilet!” So a bunch of us clustered around the stall and sure enough there was a terrified fish cowering in the back of the bowl. Someone got a fish net wand from the earth sciences teacher and we were trying to scoop it up into a cup of clean water. Then another girl came into the bathroom saying that there were goldfish in all the bathrooms! Some idiot had gone to the Petco next to the school during lunch and bought a bunch of goldfish, then they put them all in toilets during fourth period. Some got flushed, and I know of some other kids who got them out and took one or two home. Some got put in the small pond behind our school. I got four to take home because I already have a goldfish tank set up, (for another goldfish named Spaz who I had rescued from being swallowed by a teacher earlier this year). But only three of them got home alive. Now all four goldfish are residing happily in a tank in my room. They are Loo, Pale Face, and Horsley (the name of the chiropractor that we stopped by on the way home from school). I cant believe the people that put them in there. “Hey guys, check it out. I’m going to be cool and put goldfish in all the toilets!” How stupid is that?

Space Camp

(Note by Mom: Steve was invited to a 3 hour space simulation with a group of homeschool friends. The following is his report.)

Last Tuesday, (funny I always start with that sentence) I went into deep space. No joke! Liftoff was at the Christa Mcaulliffe space center. It was a totally awesome space simulator. We got there, entered the briefing room and received our mission. A wormhole had opened on the other side of our galaxy and yesterday a strange ship had come out of it. The U.S.S. ranger, a nearby ship, reported that the ship was totally mutilated. Soon afterward all communications were cut off. It was our job to go investigate. (by the way this is in the future. Think Star Trek.) Among the crew were security officer Weston, damage control officer Brooklyn, first officer Preston and captain Alexander. After receiving our uniforms we were beamed to the bridge of the U.S.S. Voyager. (It looked exactly like the Enterprise.) It contained about 13 decks and 300 people. (Don’t get confused, there were only 12 people actually in the simulation, and the actual simulator was only 2 decks, each the size of a large room. We were in the bridge, which is pretty much command central. Everybody else was either not real or were just staff talking over the radio.) After reaching the wormhole, we came in contact with the ranger. They gave us more info, and left. Then we scanned the ship for life forms and found one still alive! We beamed it aboard and found it was an 11 year old girl. Just then another ship came out of the wormhole. We made contact and it turned out to be more aliens of the same race, claiming to be pretty much the police force of another galaxy. They claimed that the girl was really 43 years old and a thief, murderer and slaver with a record as long as your arm. They demanded we turn her over to them, before the wormhole closed, and they were trapped in our universe forever. Well, we didn’t like that idea, and when we refused, they nearly atomized us with an incredible super weapon! Well a crazy chase ensued including 2 decks being evacuated, 1 alien boarding, I accidentally phazed myself, another ship being obliterated (thank goodness they had escape pods), the captain and ambassador being kidnapped, nearly trying to send officer Brooklyn instead of the girl, various torpedoes being fired, and coming so close to blowing up that we could smell smoke! Eventually we beamed the girl to the other ship, and the simulation ended. We then found ourselves in the debriefing room were we discovered that she really was a criminal. In her own universe, she was tried and found guilty. We were then awarded for our bravery and an interplanetary holiday was made in our honor. Just kidding. It was LOADS of fun! I can’t wait for my next mission! I’m also going to be more careful where I point my phazer.